Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A lot has happened since my last post

We are 10 weeks pregnant and a few days today. It seems so unreal, I still don't believe it. We haven't officially come out to the world yet but our friends and some family know at this point. I kinda don't want to say anything on facebook because then I feel like the whole world will know and I'm scared still I'm scared of the unknown. So far we have been released from SG unfortunately we didn't get to have our last ultrasound down there but it saved me on taking time off work and in gas because driving 3 hours 1 way is ruff on my wallet. Symptoms thus far are just extreme nausea that usually kicks my butt around 2pm and lasts well into the evening, and fatigue as I type  this my eyes could close and I'd drift off to sleep... oh and nightmares....I really wish they would stop! I can handle dreaming but the nightmares are terrible.. I guess I'm still so afraid of loosing this baby ... which hurts to even think that may happen. Well that's pretty much it for now.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Beta # 3

came in at 1240... my nurse at SG said that my numbers were great and right on track even though it was 44 points lower than I thought it would be. She assured me everything is ok. First u/s is May 11 I'll be 6 1/2 weeks pregnant so hopefully we'll be able to see the baby's heart beat by then too!! I'm so thrilled to be officially PREGNANT just have to make it to the first ultrasound and then 1 week after that we will be sharing w/ our family and closest friends! I can't wait it has been VERY ruff keeping this a secret!! I am at the beginning stages of morning sickness (M/S) and now can't eat my yummy looking healthy choice cafe steamer lunch because I want to toss my cookies! I ate two bites and can't get the disgusting taste out of my mouth. I am exhausted and super sensitive to smells... Thank you god for morning sickness I know this baby is in there I hope the baby keeps giving my signs that it is staying in there!!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Beta # 2

642!!! YIPPIE!! One more to go and then next Friday is our first ultra sound!!! I think our little lima bean is growing like a weed cuz mommy is already starting to get morning sickness and food aversions!! I've started talking to our little lima bean telling he/she how much we love it and want it to be healthy and stay with us for the next 9 months.

I really thought that I would be able to keep it a secret for atleast the first 12 weeks.... NOT... I am BEYOND thrilled and I just want to spill the beans to everyone and we haven't get seen the baby yet. I've told a few close people and... my boss.. but thats because she is picky about the time I take off and if I am praying to the porcelain gods most days I want her to know that there is a valid reason. 

So I've started car pooling w. my pregnant coworker (from a previous post) who has pretty much become my new BFF since I found out. We both cried together when I told her it's just an amazing feeling knowing that someone else is there going through the same thing w/ you! She has been soo helpful giving me advice on what to and not to eat and how to cope w. m/s. I am truly grateful for our friendship! And I can't wait for our babies to meet! :)

Well until tomorrow... Beta # 3

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

BFP... O M G!!

My FIRST EVER BFP!! I am beyond happy. I cried I laughed I could not believe it! Beta #1 is 279 Beta #2 is tomorrow. I am still in shock!! I am sooo in love w/ this little one already!!

Thats all I have for now I just can't even begin to tell you how excited I am

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Coming Out

is what we will be doing in the coming weeks. We're finally going to come out of the IF closet fully and share our struggles with our family and friends hole heartedly. For many reasons, namely we need the support we need to know that someone will be there for us and help lift our hearts we also need to put an end to all the crazy rumors that are flying about. I am going to be making a video to share with our families and with you about our struggles and our treatments and the joy that we have found with each other. No matter what this has brought us closer together it has made us 1 person and I will forever be grateful for that! I know this will not be easy and there will be many tears shed but it has to be done, I'm tired of hiding behind it, I'm tired of people wondering and whispering and I'm tired of trying to be strong about it! Stay tuned for the video... since I have nothing better to do w/ my work time!

with either this video:


OR:

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

2 WW and IVF Consult

Well we are in the tail end of our 2WW and I feel like AF is knocking on the door. This cycle was the same as every other time, except our SG Dr. actually did our IUI which we were over the moon about! We both believed that this was the ticket... but I've lost all hope. I know God is good and there is a reason we have to go through all of the heart ache and pain of failed attempts, and I pray every day that he will help heal our broken hearts. I will POAS on Sunday but at this point it feels pointless.

Our IVF consult was enlightening but also very scary. We went over the entire procedure and the treatment and I asked a few questions. But now I feel like it was all a blur. We will be applying for the Cade Foundation Grant which if we're lucky can be up to $10,000, which would be a blessing. At this point I have no idea how we will go through with IVF in January 2012 if we do not get the grant. And the application for the grant is amazingly long and very detailed and I see the reasoning but this is a very hard for me to write about for other people to view.

So we have ruffly 9 months... that in itself is heart wrenching to me I should be pregnant I should have our take home baby in 9 months.... and in that time I will be on a mission to live better, be healthier and happier and also open my heart to god.

Monday, March 28, 2011

No wtf appointment

WTF... why not? I'm not sure because we're not important enough? I'm kinda grouchy at the thought that we'll just keep getting pushed around until I stand up and ask for some answers.... so that's what I did ... this morning. I got suckered in to one more IUI but we have our IVF consult on April 19... I PRAY we don't need IVF but I want to be safe than sorry. SO on the docket for this month.. Cycle day 3 b/w & U/S TOMORROW... 50mg clomid days 3-7, 37.5 mg of Bravelle days 7 & 9, and then at some point a mid cycle u/s. Trigger and another 2WW. I've lost all hope.. I feel like we're going through the motions just for the heck of it and there is no real reason this time to even try.

The bills are starting to pile up and I'm scared Sh!tless! How the heck can we afford to raise a child when we're gonna be in debt up to our eyeballs? And poor dh keeps sayin he'll just sell his harley... over my dead body! He works his ass off he WILL NOT sell his harley or his truck. We'll figure it out IDK how but we will.